What’s in it for me?

Too many times I am sure we have all met, a situation where that question arises – be it from your own mind/voice or from another mouth nearby.

Many people simply refuse to extend certain efforts or skills – if there is not anything IN IT, for them – this is really a sad situation too.

This is truly a pet peeve of mine – just saying…

Why can’t the reward be the act itself of doing a kind thing for another?

People do not realize just how much more will come back to them – when they stop thinking about just themselves when they do things and they try to help others without asking nor expecting something in return.


An addendum to Inevitable Ponderings

I think I will be needing to elaborate a bit more on the section in the aforementioned article pertaining to infatuation and the ways men have a tendency to fool ourselves into thinking about our imaginative ways of thinking of woman and the thoughts we create that help us get through some days.

There is much to be said about the way a person’s mind can work when it comes to our daily ’emotional needs’.  Of course for many of us, they are often minimal, while others could use a book to document them.  Regardless – our emotional needs do exist, in one form or another.

Inevitable Ponderings, Realities & a Dash of Epiphanies

Life, living, and years of both, often have a way of permitting us to see the ‘Big Picture’.

Many times we find ourselves seeking guidance and/or advice from Friends, Family members, and of course loved ones, about many things to say the least.  The ones I wish to delve into this day are the advice we seek about other people, be they Friends, Family, or Loved ones.

So many times we feel the need or desire to seek input about situations that might currently exist in our lives and as a rule, we typically lean towards someone that will, more often than not, be sympathetic to our perspective.  Really, consider asking your vegetarian friend for advice on the type of meat your going to purchase for the party your having, wouldn’t it be illogical to seek advice from them, being vegetarians, versus your other friend that is a master of the barbecue grill in his/her neighborhood?

With this thought process in mind, whether your aware of it or not, the same principle applies when we seek personal advice on other people, we gravitate towards someone that can ‘Relate’ to our thought processes in regards to the specific matter at hand.  Yes that would appear to be a tad biased, but it is the way we work, again, more often than not.

The larger problem to this concept is simple, rarely do we take into consideration exactly what ramifications will exist because of our pursuing efforts to resolve what ever it is that might be troubling our minds at the time.  So we start out with a touch of selfishness, with a slight mix of self pity in there at times.  Therein lies the larger of the issues that can hinder another’s thoughts or perspectives on another person.  This IS inevitable, since when you start your query to me or anyone else, about an issue, thought, or concern of another. in some way shape or form, you are spreading your negative thoughts about someone else and tainting that friend with negative thoughts about someone they already know, or might never have a desire of knowing after they hear your discourse that is.

If you came to me and started asking how I would feel if my wife did what yours was doing and how annoyed you were/are with her because of it. then proceed to complain about the things that transpired as a result of her actions of which you have already made obvious that you deplore or at the very least are annoyed by.  Then I will, being the good friend I am to you, start sharing your sentiments, if I am unable to help you reason with logic that is, and the next time I see your wife, these thoughts will be sitting in the back of my mind as I wonder, How could she?.

The only thing that might get resolved is your feelings might be somewhat assuaged at this point because I was able to help you see things more clearly, or you have created another person that shares your sentiments and unfairly put another person in alignment with your views about your ill thoughts and discontentment with your wife.  While it does sound convoluted and maybe it should be.  It really is simple.  Your getting your better feeling having discussed what perturbs you while another is thrown under the bus – so to speak – at your expense.

Situations might often be better resolved if they were all queried as hypothetical scenarios.  It is and can be totally unfair for me to complain about another person to you or anyone else.  Since the minute I do – you will either side with me – try to rationalize with me or simply tell me I don’t know what the heck I am talking about and I should stand down, which is rarely the case, as we already know better than to go to a person with an opposing thought process.  So to sate my desire for another’s perspective, I have thrown them under the proverbial bus for my own emotional comfort.

Let me reiterate a thought about reason;  Ayn Rand once said something about reason that holds a world of truth to it;

“Reason is NOT automatic.  Those who deny it, cannot be defeated by it”

I am not sure if that is a verbatim quote, but the point is simple, we are not born with reason, and if we cannot accept reason as a viable solution, it will never be one.

By complaining to you about my wife, friend, child, parent, I am giving and projecting my own negative thoughts and opinions about same to you.  At which point, (you)the listener, more often than not, will tend to fall right in line with the speaker and begin to share some of the same negative thoughts and feelings about that person.  Even if you’ve never met them.

While a reasonable person might try to help the speaker keep things in perspective, the speaker’s persistence, often tries to convince the naysayer of their own views thereby attempting to change the listener’s views to align with their own.

Now I will try to tell you about some – in my perspective – negative things that my spouse has done, you haven’t met them, yet.  I will of course, fail to mention all of the great things they have done, as well as the reasons I was so fond of them in the first place, since the only thing I am dwelling on right now, is what I am perceiving to be a thorn in my side due to my perspective of current events.  Your first take on my respective other is now based solely on the negative thoughts that have already been projected to you – Oh My Goodness – your spouse talked to someone of the opposite sex, for an hour, about personal things? GOODNESS GRACIOUS!  How dare they.  Oh but I guess I forgot to mention it was about how to raise our kids and address a certain situation.  Not to mention they only discussed it with you because you are one of my best friends, and I was off hanging out with my friends the day the kids did what they did that merited the query in the first place.  There are always mitigating circumstances that will be omitted during the quest for emotional support.  Which in turn will leave you with a bad perspective of my respective other because I was selfish enough to share only half of the truth in order to get you to lean my way in your thinking of my spouse and their actions.

Are you familiar with the old saying that the grass is always greener?

We’ll get to that point in a few, but for now consider this, You are who you are today, because of EVERYTHING that has happened in your life up to today.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  Every great thing that has happened to you, every sad thing, and everything else in the middle, has contributed to creating you as you are today.

Okay, its been a few months since I was able to continue on with this topic, though I assure you, my mind is constantly pondering the proper vernacular that will permit me to most accurately express my realizations and thoughts of which I am so eager to do.

Love, affection and other needs that we most all have and often attempt to move mountains in order to achieve.  These are the premises for the following shared perceptions and of course realizations.

A number of years back, in another trying time in life, though at the time, life actually seemed like it was going fine, I started to realize an inner urge, maybe even desire that I had oft overlooked – intentionally of course.  Infatuation, which many of us experience, realized or not.  Yet there are really many facets of infatuation that can be broken down, once the time is taken to do so.  If not, we often have the ability to misunderstand the emotions that we are experiencing and this can lead to some very troubling situations.

Companionship, respect,heck even plain genuine interest – directed at a person, can offer a great many comforts – but we tend to notice them more-so when things in life are not always as , ummm as satisfying, as we might wish they were.  Its funny – cause being a man – well, let me share this little tidbit(scene) from a funny show(IMO)-The Big Bang Theory – While I wont’ quite paint the scene in its entirety – I think I can and will be able to get the point across;

On the show there are a few -funny- geeks – and a few ladies as well. In this particular episode – Billy Bob Thornton portrays – the everyman – in some extremes.  He is  customer of one of the ladies on the show – a pharmaceutical sales lady.  Well  during one of their meetings – she does try to sell, so she might come off being nicer than needed, to get the sale of course.  Well I can’t remember his exact words – but he has a philosophy that if a woman touches him for more than X amount of seconds, it means she is interested in him.  The episode goes on like that and of course she finally realizes she has mislead him, wherein she must apologize and reiterate that she is involved with another etc…   Finally accepting this as reality – the show goes on – and within a short time – another one of the ladies in the show puts her hand on his arm to explain something or other and he starts counting, one mississippi two mississippi… – wherein he starts the same process over – and it is quite funny – cause as a man – we say – and often think this way in many situations – specially when things are going awry(seemingly) in our lives at the moment.  So I can almost promise – that every time a woman smiles at a man – they often take it personally and again – more-so when things in life are going tough.  So the check out girl at the store – asking if there is anything else and offering that lovely smile – in our heads – we think – She wants me!   If a lady friend extends sympathy – Oh you must be tired after doing that tough job – etc… She wants me!  Offering a gift os the red apples you like so much – simply because she remembered – and she was there getting some – so she bought a bag for you and your family – or even just for you – it was only because – She wants me!  There are so many situations – that in our minds – we can apply those alleged FACTs – as we see them, that I won’t try to list them all, but of this I can be certain, at least 95% of the times we(well most of us men) think it, we are dead wrong.

So I guess this is where the infatuation can be a problem – when we are certain(in our own minds – because remember – we think, She wants me!), that these conditions are actually advances – we permit ourselves and our minds to wander – and often times in the most very wrong ways. To have cognizance of this fact is important – but when we are not being happy – with our lives – spouses etc… – we let our minds create an imagined reality, mostly to our detriment,  so any awareness of reality goes out the window – and our thoughts become our reality.

These days, when a woman smiles at me – I am – more often than not – able to say in my head – she wants me – and laugh it off – as I for one – don’t and shouldn’t care if she did – secondly – if you pay closer attention – you realize that the person is extending the same kindnesses to everyone she deals with in similar situations – but at the same time – it is so nice to receive a genuine smile from someone – as well as an expressed appreciation for a job we did or something that we were complimented on, and we try to savor these moments – specially during trying, emotional times in our lives.  So it is nice to enjoy the moments – even amuse one self that – yep – she wants me!  but we should never let ourselves, nor try to convince ourselves that it really is a reality – we need to keep our minds in check – and realize more often than not – it is simply infatuation when we let our minds go too far with our desirous  thoughts, because she probably doesn’t really want  you, per se.   Chances are – she is simply a kind person just being herself – go figure.

After awhile – you realize – IS the grass really greener – or are you just thinking that it is – I had a dear cousin that taught me to look at many different sides to as many situations as possible – but one aspect of that thought profess is simply – instead of looking at all the greatness that a person might project – and how wonderful life might be to be with them instead – try looking for all the wrong things about that person that after time might actually rub you the wrong way.  Once you get over and actually stand in the greener grass – it is then that you realize that it has bumps all over it – or there are ants throughout the yard – or how burned the edges are – but you just couldn’t see all of that from where you were standing – cause it did look so nice in the beginning.

We seem to condition ourselves to overlook the simple things at times – but it is not in the neighbors yard you should be overlooking things – it is in your own yard – Why did you fall in love with the one you are with – why do you not act, or treat them the way you used to – what was it you loved the most etc..  Do you really need to be such a dope when the reality of it is, she should be mad if you yelled at her for nothing – or crashed the car – or insulted her hair or outfit or  simply did anything rude – as more thank likely – you would possibly have the same feelings if things were reversed.   Of course I am not saying that every situation is solvable with the application of these simple thought processes, but I would venture to say that most situations could benefit if a person were to try to see things a bit differently.  oh yea, and stay out of the neighbors yard or you might end up tracking them ants into your yard and ruining that one too!

So much more to add – as it does help to empty ones brains now and again – but in time it will happen – more thoughts etc… will come, as will I back to this screen to unload them here.

Here’s the Beef!

This is the world we live in, oh oooha
And these are the hands we’re given
Use them and let’s start trying
To make it a place worth living in…

Phil Collins

Level heading…

The most important thing to remember is that there are two things that are constant, besides taxes that is.   These two things, if properly incorporated and realized in your life, can make a difference in so many ways.   Perception (perspective) and physics, yep physics. They are two undeniable aspects of life.  When properly accepted and realized, life really can be so much better.

We can not deny contradictions either, since we do know that in a perfect world, they can not exist.   If we accept physics as reality, and consider others perspectives while making most any points, without contradicting ourselves or the facts to which we might be representing, it will be easier to make valid, logical, and rational points and at the same time enabling others to properly perceive the points that we are trying to make.

None of this promises that we will always be correct – but by representing the basics of the points I am reiterating, we should be able to open ourselves up for the proper corrections, when needed to bring ourselves to the point of being able to be correct or getting corrected in the process.

Sticks & Stones

My Mother always told me –

“Sticks & stones can break your bones, but names can never hurt.”   I didn’t really get it back then cause I did let it hurt when I was called names – specially in front of a group of people at school.

Then there was always “It takes more of a man to walk away from a fight…”.  I so never understood that one either, since nobody at school ever talked about the ones that walked away from fighting unless they were picking on them for being a sissy, wimp, baby, chicken… that list can go on.  However, if someone beat someone else up, they would talk about how tough those guys were, and everyone knew who the tough guys were for sure.  I don’t think I ever made that category, not that I can say as I am disappointed about that either in retrospect.

Back in those times, we’re only talking the mid to late 60’s and early 70’s now, I can’t say as the thought ever arose as to whether or not there was always any justification for the aggressions that were put forth onto others.  I don’t think I ever heard of someone getting beat up  and a discussion ensuing about how he or she shouldn’t have been, it was usually more so to the point of holy crap – did ya see how bad this guy got beat up by that guy etc..

Well perceptions change as we progress in the years.  We grow older and wiser and many of these Momisms start to make sense.  The name calling is so easy it isn’t funny.  It really is only our own minds that permit names or negative comments to bother us.

We are all subjects of our own environments, some of the conditions of our environments we have control over and some we don’t.  We still must make the best of whatever conditions we have and learn from them while not blaming others for our emotional states because of something they said.

Yes, others can and will effect our lives as well as our environments.  It is up to us to change what we can, when we can.  In the meantime, make the best of what we have and stop hurting others for what they say.  Even the Pope recently said something that, while maybe in mind is correct, I have to fall back on my Mother’s point that “sticks and stones may break our bones…“, what he said, while not a direct quote, was that if someone insulted his Mother, he would be inclined to punch them in the face.  I can not accept this as a logical action.  While the thought could possibly exist – to what end?  Stop saying mean things about my Mom?  Yay, I feel better now that I have caused you pain!?  It really doesn’t make sense, since I know the facts, and if another points out negative facts about my Mother, and I don’t like the truth, then I need to grow up and learn to accept it.  Yet if another says things about my Mother that I know is not truth, who gives a crap, since again, I know the truth.  Why let it bother us.  This is a choice we all possess.  Live and let live, ignore the things that we are permitting to bother us that are said by others if they are not causing direct pain or bodily injury.  Neither condition should incorporate an excuse to cause physical injury to another.

It should seem that the only reason we should be inclined to inflict bodily harm on another would be self defense of ourselves or loved ones in a physical situation.  Not self defense on a premise of mean words spoken.

If another’s words do have an effect on our lives in a detrimental way, then surely there are other ways to address these issues without inflicting pain or worse on them.   Fight fire with fire, in a case of words that is, where if someone prints something that we find appalling and know to be untrue, we can simply ignore them and get on with life or we can print our own version of the facts as we are aware of them.

It seems so totally senseless to kill another human being simply because they said something that I permitted to offend me or my family, race, religion, or lifestyle, etc…  Just because someone says words – nice or not – does not make it real.  Insult me, I can either deal with it or I can ignore it, I might even fester about it and whine and say woe is me, but if it is a false truth, then surely I am wasting my time dwelling on it in the first place.  The simple fact of the matter is that I do have a choice.

Another thing my Mother was apt to remind me as she saw fit, “The pen is mightier than the sword”, this too I get now.  I certainly didn’t in my youth, since I knew everything, or so I thought.  I should also add another Momism, “Two wrongs do not make one right!”

Is it right to insult people on any level, absolutely not, but to react in an adverse manner on that premise alone is simply wrong.  I will not condone those that feel the need to constantly insult others and I strive to not be one of them and lead by example.

We should never blame another for how we feel, as I was taught so long ago, I am solely responsible for my own emotions and perceptions of things I read, see, hear etc…  No matter how hurt or offended I permit myself to feel, it is I that am permitting these feelings to exist, not that it is good to be cold and heartless, it just does your mind and body no good to permit yourself to be upset about words that you do not agree with.  We are better than this, or so I have been led to believe. we can rise above it all and either ignore these ill spoken/written words and move on with our lives, as our moods and feelings about things will diminish over time as we will/can usually possess the ability to get over things over time.  Or we can try to address what might have been said/written in a similar manner and add our perspectives in a way that permits us all a chance to view both sides of the coin, so to speak, and still not physically hurt others.

If you insult my God, it will not change my God in any way, and if my God is the one that YOU end up reporting to in the end of it all, YOU will pay the price of your verbal abuse at that time.  The same should be said of your God, If I insult your God, I will either pay the price in the end, or maybe your God won’t even let me near your heaven and I will never have the chance to come before them.  Either way, nothing needs to be done now, I can stay out of your way, you can stay out of mine, what happens to us in the end will clearly be a result of the way we chose to live and act.  Your God will not be mad at YOU for what I said nor will mine be mad at me for what you said.  As long as I follow the rules and facets of my religion, I shall be afforded the opportunity to go to the heavens as I have done everything in my power to uphold the virtues and values of my religion.  I do not think that by assaulting you for negative words towards my God and vice versa, that I will get a pass to the front of the gate with front row seats.  I really don’t think it works that way.  Since I haven’t died, yet, I don’t think I will know the truth until then, but logic dictates it.

Who Creates Racism?

The media, the celebrities, the politicians, or maybe even the population?

Isn’t it as simple as this, We are ALL one RACE!  The Human Race!

Deal with the thought process, there is no race superior to, nor inferior to another.  Maybe some might be less fortunate, but typically, it is not a race factor that is responsible for unfortunate circumstances of a race – more often than not it is geography.  Where a group of people live, or have been living for many years, doesn’t make them any less of a person/people than the rest.

90%, or maybe close to that percentage, of the people in this world could thrive and excel in life if they were all provided with the exact same opportunities as the rest of the world.  After all, we are indeed products of our environment.  This should not place any inferiority on any one race ever.

Yet for thousands of years, along the ways, so many races and religions project prejudice in one form or another.  In the immortal words of Rodney King “People, I just want to say, can we all get along? Can we get along?”

Does it get any simpler than that?  We are all here.  We all have our own wills, desires, and motivators.  Is it logical to keep using the past mistakes, and there are SO many of them, and bringing them up constantly?

NAACP, now if there were a group that was for the advancement of another race or whatnot, wouldn’t that be considered racist?  Do we still need this?  Fact is, we shouldn’t have needed it in the first place.  We are constantly hearing how proud a person has made their race – regardless of color.  Why can’t we just be proud of our accomplishments, whatever they may be, why must we continuously throw out the race card?  This I simply cannot understand.

I don’t care where you came from, what office you hold or have held, if you take pride in what you do, and do so with the moral integrity that should exist in our civilization, than I can respect that.  I have had the pleasure of working with and learning from many different people in this world, not all have been white or even from this country, but I have held a great deal of respect for a high percentage of them all.  I can’t say as ALL people are awesome, because there are quite a few real jerks in this world.  I just don’t think that being a jerk is tied to any specific race or origin.  There are Jerks of many colors and origins.  Jerks certainly don’t discriminate.

In the US of A alone, I have met people from the east coast to the west coast, from the north and the south, and generally, people can be and typically are nice.  Those that aren’t, usually have a reason, whether it be logical or not is another question, but they may have had a bad childhood, or been wronged by another, or brought up with a different mindset than the majority of the population.  Though a high percentage of those that do have a negative attitude, still have kind thoughts and meanings.  We just might not be around when they project those nicer demeanors.

Isn’t it time that we did all get along?  You fish on your side, I fish on my side and nobody fish in the middle type of thing?  As long as we are not hurting anyone with our beliefs, why should who we worship bother another?  Why should the color of our skin or the tongue we speak in offend anyone else?

Does anybody at all actually SEE the ‘Big Picture’?